Hydrabadi Chodu Shayar Ki Kahani.......!!!enjoy...

[DON.UNDERWORLD]

Hydrabadi Chodu Shayar Ki Kahani.......!!!enjoy...

chodu hyderabdi shayar ki kahani .....

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a chodu hyderabadi shayar .....hilarious !!!

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A very chodu shaayar made it to the marriage party of a Nizam's daughter. He was behaving pretty well when some people asked him to say a sher. These people were expecting something nice from him, but then he started...

SHER KAHE, SHAYARI KAHE YA GAYE KOI GANA
SHER KAHE, SHAYARI KAHE YA GAYE KOI GANA
TERI NANI PAIR UTHAYE, CHODE MERA NANA!


People were shocked to hear this though this shayar had a famous
background of telling some really gandu shayaris. But this being a Royal Marriage, people requested him to say something about the wedding. To humare shayar sahab ne farmaya...

KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI...

People - WAH!, WAH, IRSHAAD, IRSHAAD !!!!

KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI...
KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI...
CHUDEGI AAJ LAUNDI NIZAM KI.

People were really angry to hear this. (probably most of them were not like us). They started abusing and throwing stones at him. On this he again started...

AYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON...

This calmed people a bit.

AYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON...
MAA KE LAUDON, PATTHAR TO NA MARO

People went out of control this time and started beating and kicking him.He begged for mercy but they were not ready to listen to him any more, so he finally stated.....

GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE, GAND MARLO HAMARI..
GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE, GAND MARLO HAMARI....
JAB BAHARE-CHAMAN MAIN HONGE, MAA CHOD-DENGE TUMHARI...

Rest is history. But the history stayed with him when he grew up.

Ab jaahir hai ki aise chutiye ke prem me koi padega nahi. To yeh shayar Hyderabaad se Bombai pyaar ka chakkar chalane ke liye aaya. Ek usne achchhi ladki ko dekha. Ladki ka dhyaan kahi aur tha to shaayar sahaab ne wahi farma diya...

MUDHKAR ZARA IDHAR BHI DEKH ZAALIM
KE TAMANNA HUM BHI RAKHTE HAI
CHUT TERE PAAS HAI TO KYA
LUND HUM BHI RAKHTE HAI

You won't believe it. But the girl liked this shayri and she fell for him.Things went well for them for next few days lekin woh ladki kuch aage nahi badhne deti thi. To ek suhana mousam pe humare dost ne use kahe hi dala...

DIL TO DIYA HAI TUJHE PAR EK SHART LAGAYI HAI
LENI HAI WOHi CHEEZ JO TUNE TANGO ME CHHEPAYEE HAI

That was it! Ladki ek dam ruth gayi aur shayar se milna jhulna chhod diya. To shayar ki haalat bhi kharab ho gayi. Dost log bhi khairat puchhne chale aaye. To cheer him up, they requested him to say a sher dedicated to her. So he goes...

BEDARD ZAMANA KYA JAANE
KYA CHEEZ JUDAAI HOTI HAI
HUM LUND PAKAD KAR BAITHE HAI,
JABKI GHAR GHAR ME CHUDAI HOTI HAI

Yeh sunkar dost log hil gaye. Koi bola lund ko sambhalo. To koi kaheta hai ki agar lund ko pakad kar baithoge to mutne kaise jaoge? To shayar bolta hai...

KOUN KAHETA HAI KI LUND YAHAN MUTNEKO AATA HAI?
KOUN KAHETA HAI KI LUND YAHAN MUTNEKO AATA HAI?
ARE WOH TO CHUT KI YAAD ME AANSU BAHANE AATA HAI

Yeh sun kar sab dost log aur bhi pareshaan ho gaye. Ek dost se to yeh suna bhi nahi gaya. To woh dost bolta hai ki mei kaise bhi karke teri darling ko waapis bulaunga. Tere paas waapis aake tujh pe ek ehsaan karne khi bhikh mangunga. Ab aap log to jaante hi ho ki yeh shayar log kitne independant hote hai. To humare shayar ko yeh ehsaan lene wali baat kuch pasand nahi aayi. To woh bola...

EHSAAN KISI KA KYA LENA, HUM TO MUTH PE GUZAARA KARTE HAI
EHSAAN KISI KA KYA LENA, HUM TO MUTH PE GUZAARA KARTE HAI
JAB BHI YAAD UNKI AATI HAI, OOTH OOTH DUBARA KARTE HAI

Mahebooba kabhi waapis nahi aayi. To uski yaad bhula ne ke liye wohi shaayar Delhi chala gaya. Wahan jab Qutub Minar dekha to bola:

DEKH KE QUTUB MINAR, SHAYAR KA DIMMAG DODA
ASMAAN KO CHODNE CHALA DHARTI KA LAUDA

Is par Delhi police ki gaand mein khujli hui to usey pakad liya gaya aur court mein pesh kiya gaya. Jab Judge sahiba ne poocha "tumhe kuch kehna hai?" to woh bola:

AIYE SANAM UTHA KALAM
MUJHE KASAM HAI RABKI
AIYE SANAM UTHA KALAM
MUJHE KASAM HAI RABKI
MAA CHOD DOONGA SABKI...

On such a contempt of court, he was ordered to be hanged till death. When he was buried, the judge sahiba visited his grave. Needless to say, she was very mad so she pissed on his grave. Judge sahiba ke jane ke baad is shayar ke bhoot ne ek arz farmaya...

WO AAYE HUMARI KABAR PAR
AUR MOOTT KAR CHALE GAYE
WO AAYE HUMARI KABAR PAR
AUR MOOTT KAR CHALE GAYE
MUTNE KA TO BAHANA THA
WOH CHUT DIKHAKAR CHALE GAYE....!!

[DON.UNDERWORLD]

akbar birbal aur madarchod mujrewali .....

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Ek baar, Akbar ke darbar mein ek randi ne mujra kiya. Woh badi hi KATEELI NACHANIYA thi. Itni zor se naachi ke sabke lavde tan gaye.

Akbar bahut khush ho gaya. Usne randi ko kaha, "Jamnabai, bol tujhe kya inaam chahiye meri jaan? Sona-chandi, heere-moti, jaageer.... kya chahiye, bol. Agar teri kisise dushmani ho to woh bhi bataa de......uski maa behen chod di jayegi."

Randi bahut khush hui muh maange inaam ki baat sunke. Par woh bahut hi bhenchod kism ki aurat thi. Uske gandu dimaag mein to kuch aur hi tha.

Woh Akbar se boli, "Jahanpanah, jaan ki salaamati mile to kuch arz
karoon".

Akbar waise hi uske naach pe bahut bhavuk ho gaya tha. Woh bola, "Jo marzi
maang, Jamna darling."

Randi boli,"Jahanpanah, mujhe aapki raajgadi pe tatti karni hai."

Ek baar to Akbar ko samajh hi nahin aaya ki kya yeh randi ki GAAND BAWLI to nahin ho gayi? Lekin woh mana bhi nahin kar sakta tha....promise jo kar diya tha. Usne randi ko kuch aur maangne ke liye kaha, par randi bhi bahut seasoned campaigner thi.... woh nahin maani. Akbar bhi bechara kya karta, usne 15 din baad ki date dedi.

Usne socha ki baad mein randi pe pressure dalwa ke cancel karwa dega, par bahen ki laudi maan ke tayyar nahin thi. Jab Tatti-day nazdeek aa gaya, Akbar ki gaand bahut zyaada phat gayi....usne us waqt Birbal ko yaad kiya.

Usne Birbal se kaha ki ab mughal sultanat ki izzat usi ke haath mein
hai. Birbal ne bhi Akbar ko promise kar diya ki chaahe use apni maa kyon na chudwaani pade, woh mughal sultanat ki izzat pe aanch nahin aane dega. Akbar bhi nischint ho gaya.

Finally Tatti-day aa gaya. Akbar to raat bhar so bhi nahin saka.
Bhenchod ki khud ki tatti band ho gayi. Subah -subah randi ne darbaar mein grand entrance maara. Kehne lagi, "Jahanpanah, main teen din se nahin hagi hoon... jaldi se raajgaddi pe haggi maarne ki vyawastha kijiye."

Akbar ne phatti gaand ke saath Birbal ki taraf dekha. Birbal to bahen
ka lauda hasi has raha tha. Apni seat se khada hua aur bola, "Jamnabai, tumne tatti karne ki demand ki thi....so karo. Lekin agar ek boond bhi moot nikal aaya to yeh talwaar teri aur teri maa ki choot mein ghusa ke gaand se nikaal doonga....!! Bol manzoor hai?"

Randi ko samajh aa gaya ki is baar uska paala kisi andu pandu se
nahin, Birbal jaise gaandu se pada hai. Woh chupchaap uthi aur patli gali se ghar chali gayi.........

[DON.UNDERWORLD]

lo aur ek akbar birbal ki kahani ....

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is baar in gaanduon ke saath tansen bhi hai ....dekho kitne kameeney hai yeh sab madarchod ...

woh chodu hyderabaadi shayar to inke comparison mein bechara bahut hi shareef tha .....

To bhaiyon yeh baat hai Akbar ke zamane ki....

Usne 9 chutiye lundoore paal rakhe the..Popularly known as his navratans...!!!

Birbal aur Tansen me bada Kaampeeteesan raha karta
tha...bahut tu tu mein mein hote rahti unme.. tansen bada jalta tha birbal par. kehta tha, " madarchod, kuch bhi bakwaas sunake badshah salamat ko chutiya banata hai." to birbal kehta tha tansen ko, " abey ja ja bhosdi ke, kuch bhi mooh se aand-saand phati hui aawaz nikalta hai aur jahanpanah ki gaand chaatata hai...lagta hai teri gaand mein dard hai isi liye aisi choot jaisi aawazey nilakte rahta hai..."!

EK din gusse me aake Tansen kehta hai ki " Ab faisla
ho hi jaye ki kaun zyada bada madarchod hai???? tere se kya honewala hai? main shart marta hoon ki main Jodha bai ke mammey choos sakta hoon."

Birbal ki has has ke gaand me dard ho gaya... Kehta hai ki "Agar toone aisa kar diya to agley din bhari sabha me mai nangaa aaunga"...

Bas fir hona kya tha lag gayi shart... Tansen ki gaand mein aag lag gayi..usne idea lagaya...

Tansen gaya bazaar, sapere ke paas. kehta hai ki "Bhai, mujhe ek aisa saanp chahiye, untrained aur bina zehar ke hona chahiye". Saanp khareed ke Tansen usko ghar pe training dena shuru karta hai. ek aadmi ka putla banake saanp ko kehta hai " BETA SAPPU uske tang pe kaat". to sappu putle ke taang pe jake das leta hai...Tansen usko doodh pilata hai. Aise hi training karte karte sappu Tansen ka ishara dekh kar taang, haath, gala ityadi ko dasna seekh jaata hai.. doodh pee peekar mast tagda ho jaata hai....

Jahan bhi Tansen ishara karta, Sappu waha das leta...Training karke sappu ab taiyar ho gaya Big Day ke liye...

Ab baat aisi thi ki Akbar aur Jodha bai har subah apne bageeche me sair ke liye nikalte the, thandi hawa khaate the. agle din subah Tansen bhi apne sappu ke saath bageeche me ja pahuncha, aur jhaadiyon me chhip gaya...Jahaanpanah aur begum ko aata dekh Tansen ne sappu ko phat se nikalke, zameen pe chhod diya aur ishara Jodha bai ke mammon ki taraf karke bola..

"BETA SAPPU dikha apna kamaal, ja das le rani ke Mammoo ko." Sappu phat se gaya, begum ke ghaghrey mein ghuskar, taang par chadh ke, mansal Jangho se gujarke, chut ko par kar ke, seedha ja pahunchta hai mammon ke beech, vahi khai me, vaha se plan ke mutabik, seedha left turn le ke chadh jata hai Top pe aur ek second mein saali ko dabakar das leta hai nipple pe...

Jodha chikhne lagee "Are Mere sartaj bachao, bachao ...hai saap ne das liya, kuch karo na, jaldi se...."

Akbar to paagal ho gaya..."Arre bachao koi bachao meri begum ko saap ne das liya.... koi Bachaoooo"

Tabhi Tansen nikla jhadiyon se, bhaag ke gaya aur bola "Jahan panah ek Upay hai mere paas rani sahebaan ko bachaneka. Main agar zehar choos kar bahar nikal doon to aap gussa hokar meri gand to nahi katwa denge na?? Akbar bola, " Arey, Madar chod jo bhi karna ho, jaldi kar, lekin meri begum ko bacha le..!!" phir kya tha Tansen ne phat se Jodha bai ko pakda, uske kapde Ranjit ki tarah fade aur mammey bahar nikal kar zor zorsey choosne laga.... poore ke poore choos dale...(Aur idher -udher haath bhi maar liye harami ne) aadhey ghantey tak masalkar choosa...!!

Birbal ne ye baat suni to uski gaand se maano Rocket guzar gaya.... man hi man sochne laga Bhenchod kal to lut gayee izzat, bhare darbaar me nang dhadang jana padega....gaand lag gayi... Usne khoob socha, baal khujlaye (upar ke bhi aur neeche ke bhi) lekin no idea... Gaand jab khujayee to idea Lund ki tarah uchhal kar bahar aaya...

Agle din darbaar laga, Akbar ne sabke samne Tansen ki tareef ki aur kaha agar tansen me zehar choosne ki shakti nahi hoti, to Jahanpanah aaj randwe hote....aur akele apne aap hilaa rahe hote....Tansen on other hand cud not wait for Birbal to make an appearance... khushi ke maare paagal ho raha tha ye soch kar ki jab Birbal bhare darbaar me nanga hokar aayega to Akbar ki gaand sharm se paani paani ho jayegi....YESSS....!

wo birbal ke gaand pe itne hunter maarenge ki Birbal ki 7 pushtey muh se hagegi.... tabhi darbaar me hulchul machi...peechey se bahut aawaz honey lagi....sabne kya dekha ki Birbal nanga hokar, apna lauda haath me pakde, daudta hua aa raha hai...

Bas phir hona kya tha, Akbar ki gaand gusse se LAAL ho gayi...bola, "Birbal ye kya gustakhi hai??? teri himmat kaise hui aise nange aane ki?? darbar ki beizzati karne ki...? mughal sultanat ka kuch khayal nahi...??"

Tabhi Birbal chillaya, "Haye... Jahan panah...bachao, mai mar gaya.. mujhe saap ne kaat liya ...mere laude pe.."

Akbar turant bola "Tansen...jao, jaldi se chooso Birbal ka lund...!!!!"

[DON.UNDERWORLD]

One of the classiest Hyderabadi joke!

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This is one of the classiest Hyderabadi joke you might ever have come across ..... I heard it long time ago, was browsing through some of the websites and forums, and came across it. I just edited it a little bit before posting it. Hope all Hyderabadies and those familiar with the Hyderabadi slang enjoy it.

In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is Chotu. His father is ambitious to educate Chotu. Chotu goes to school located in Tappachabutra. Its principal is educated in Urdu high school and claims that he passed tenth class!

There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows:

Teacher: "Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa (questions) puchinga. Sab
achchaa padkey aao. Koi galath answer dingaa naa tho main uske pairaan thod detoon."

Chotu: "Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kyakochchanaa puchta katey?"

Teacher: "Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola to gaaliaan nikaltay. Tereku main absent nai daalthaun. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani banake khaaingaa tu."

So our Chotu is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is not going to school the next day.

Father: "Yeah kyaa hai.. ischool hai paan dabba hai? Gaand pay maartoon saale tu ischool nai gaya to!"

Chotu: "Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke."

Father: "Usku akhal hai! Begum suno! Chotu ischool nai jayinga kathey kal.
Agar ino ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga? Chotu, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaun."

So Chotu cries and finally agrees to go to school.

Next day at the school, the teacher is very upset to see Chotu back.

Teacher: "Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kaiku aaya re?"

Chotu: "Mera bava gaand phod detaon bola ischool nai gaya to."

Teacher: "Offo! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith aur inispector aya to chhup jaa... Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri gaand lag jayingi."

So Chotu goes and sits on the last bench hiding behind a tall guy. Inspector comes for the visit.

Inspector: "Adaab."

Teacher: "Adaab saab. Bachen acha padrain saab. Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte."

Inspector: "Abaa? Offo! Ittey kilever(clever) hai aapke bachchey? Achchaa, ek bahuth aasaan sawaal - Hamarey jisam mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?"

Teacher: "Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!"

Imtiyaz: "Saab, Kaleja saab."

Inspector: "Aisa! ...... woh kyun?"

Imtiyaz: "Saab, kaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar wo gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab!"

Inspector: "Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?"

Teacher: "Arey Akram, tu bata re."

Akram: "Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta
saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karte, iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakte saab."

Inspector: "Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu. Chutiyo ke jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa!!"

In the meantime Chotu is trying very hard to hide but the Inspector sees him. He thinks Chotu is hiding because he does not know the answer.

Inspector: "Wo last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa wo pottey ka naam kya hai?"

Teacher: "Kaun saab? .......Woh! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh Chotu hai saab."

Inspector: "Chotu? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaa lete re bhai naamaan! Chotu, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?"

Chotu: "Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringa saab."

Inspector: "Tereku yaa mereku??"

Teacher: "Arey kya baat kar re saab, main kaiku maarthau aapku. Ye potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey Chotu, answer maloom hain to
bol nai to khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap tere pairan padtau."

Chotu: "Saab answer Gaand hai saab."

Teacher: "Allah!! Ino moo khola to meri gaand lag gayi re!!!"

Inspector: "Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney aisaich baataan kartey! Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan
kaa answer hai re?"

Chotu: "Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku boleto wahaan pe dilli mein bamb phata, to yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat ti... Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hotey, wahaan new city mein sabki gaand phat ti... Uttaa kaiku saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand phatri dekho!"

[DON.UNDERWORLD]

Another Chillghan joke for you:

Ek baar Chillghan ke mohalle mein ek aadmi aata hai. Wo uski beti ka rishta kisi se kar raha hota hai, to investigation ke liye aas paas rahne walo se ladke ke baare mein pooch taach karne aata hai. Bahut logon se ladke aur uske ghar walo ki tareef sunne ke baad, wo Chillghan se milta hai, jo apni gali ke nukkad par beedi phookte hue baitha hai. Wo Chillghan se milkar bolta hai, "mein meri beti ka rishta aapke ghar ke bagal mein rahne wale ladke se kar raha hoon, kya aap bata sakte hain ki wo kaise log hain?", to Chillghan jhat se bolta hai, "bade madarchod log hain, aap mat de apni ladki warna bechaari bahut pashtayegi.". Wo aadmi chaunk jaata hai, kyun ki baaki sab ne to un logon ki bahut tareef ki thi, to poochta hai, "Aisa kyun bhai? Aap ko unse kuch dushmani hai kya?", to Chillghan kahta hai, "Nahi mein to unka bahut achha padosi hoon, par wo log bahut madarchod hain, pichle hafte, hamare mohalle mein ek oont (camel) aaya tha, mere paas seedi nahi hai, unke paas hai, to mein ne unse kuch der ke liye seedi maangi, us oont ki gaand maarne ki liye, par unhon ne mujhe mana kar diya. Bahut maa ke laude log hain, kisi ki madat nahi karte."

[DON.UNDERWORLD]

a very famous non-veg shayar from Hyderabad. He used to be a very nice a decent shayar in his early days, but because of high competition among shayars and due to lack of appreciation of his work, he turned to be a non-veg shayar.

One day two guys, named Ram and Gopal go to Chillghan's place and request him to take them under his training to become shayar. He looks at them and tells them that they dont look like they can become shayars, and swears at them and asks them to leave. But they request him alot and tell him that they would do anything to be his students. After arguing about 15-20 minutes, Chillghan agrees to take them under his training.
After about a weeks training, Ram and Gopal ask Chillghan that they will go out in the town and bug a few people with their newly learnt shaayari. So Chillghan says, "Nahi maa ke laudo, abhi tum log taiyaar nahi hue logon ko pakane ke liye." They tell him that if they don't return within an hour, he can come and get them. So he agrees with them.
They go out in the town and while walking, they peep through an open window and see a naked woman bathing, and they comment, "kitne ghane hain iski chut ke baal". The lady hears that, and right away wraps herself in a saree and comes out and asks them for their names and who they are. They tell her that they are Ram and Gopal and that they are Chillghan's students. So she tells them that she would ask her a question and they have to answer it in a shaayari way, and until they don't answer her question they can't leave, and they agree. She asks them, "Kitne ghane hain meri chut ke baal, ismein dono phas gaye Ram, Gopal?". Ram and Gopal being naive, under-training shayars, don't understand her question and sit there thinking for an answer. Two hours pass by and Chillghan wonders where these assholes were, becaus they said they would be back within an hour, and he goes out in search of them. And finds them sitting on a bench with this lady. He goes there and asks them, "Ek ghanta abhi nahi hua madarchodo?". And they tell him what happened and that this lady won't leave them until they don't reply her question. Chillghan asks what the question was, so the lady says, "Achha to tum ho Chillghan, bahut suna hai tumhare baare mein. Tumhare patthe mere aasaan sawaal ka jawaab nahi de sake, to ye ab nahi jaa sakte, jab tak us sawaal ka jawaab nahi milta." So Chillghan asks her what the question was and that he would reply her question. She again throws the question, "Kitne ghane hain meri chut ke baal, ismein dono phas gaye Ram, Gopal?". And Chillghan prompty, within one second replies her, "Utha lund, toot gaye chut ke baal, chut gaye dono Ram, Gopal." and takes them back with him.

Hope you all liked it.

[assmasala]

outstanding reps added and a 5 star rating from me

[brainmuscle]

Wah Wah!

keep irshaading! :)

just gave ur outstanding post a 5 star rating

kudos to ur effort

[indncpl]

good ones boss
keep adding more of those
rpped you

[!Alex]

nice funny 1

[t43]

Bahut dino ke baad hansa yaar. chindil kar diya.

[pbgim]

Wah..... wah..... DON bhai.. Wah....

[love19791979]

wah

[KashMunnee1]

lol

[donmaxdon]

extremely funny. please post more of chotu.

[kishanonline]

nice keep it on
Ramchandra kha gaye siya se
chut chudegi computer se lund khada dhekta rah jayega:bootyshake::bananna